Need to Drop a Few Lbs.

Damnit! Yes, I've gained a few lbs. since I quit smoking (23 days btw!). I weighed myself last night and I was 142! My average is 136. I weighed myself this morning and I was 138. So- who knows where I REALLY am...but I'm NOT ok with 142...so I am eating light and cutting out sweets this week. I have a weakness for sweets. I'm going to get into the gym this week too...something that I find hard to do. I have a YMCA membership and I rarely use it. I hate that about myself. Anyway, I want to maintain my weight...not GAIN.

Is your life what you expected it to be?

I'm not sure if I really thought as a youngster what I wanted to "be" when I grew up. Unfortunately my actions crippled my ability to have unlimited choices. I had a child at age 14 and that set my life into motion. Jewel baby. The light of my life. I grew up very fast. I learned to be selfless. I did not have dreams in high school of moving away for college. I just wanted to graduate. When I graduated, I made a short lived attempt to enroll in college...I enrolled at Emporia State. I never made it though...the arrival of my next child came instead. Lizzy girl. The most beautiful little blonde angel you've ever seen. I did make it to college for 2 semesters at Central Missouri State...but it was not meant to be. Fast forward through a time I don't like to think or talk about much and you end at the birth of my third child. Christopher Daniel. My boy...my heartache kid. I've pained over this kids health problems and accidents more than both of my daughters put together. So- 2001 I wind up working an office job...learning a lot about business and just getting by as a single mom. This job led me to my current job, which led me to my husband. My kids are now 16, 11 and 7 and I've been married for two years. I live in a house I love, I have a great job and I am overall extremely pleased with how my life turned out. I would have never expected to be who I am today. I realized today that I've never really laid a path for myself. I've never thought "I want to be ____" I just survive. I was talking to Lizzy today and asked her what she wants to be when she grows up. Of course, she said "I don't know"...well she's in 5th grade...so I did not expect her to know just yet..haha I love the fact that all 3 of my kids have opportunites that I did not have. I talk to them a lot about making a plan for their futures. You know, I don't think that they need to be thinking about this stuff too seriously yet- but it can't hurt to open up communication and start planting seeds. I wish that I had spent more time with Jewel having conversations like this when she was younger. She is going to be a senior next year and WOW that's a scary thought. She's had a great HS career so far...she is not pulling straight A's but I'm very proud of her. She's planning on going to college, but we have the rest of this year and next to firm up those plans. Ok, I just realized that I'm droaning on and on in this post.....so I'll wrap this thought up. I just think it's a good idea to stop and think about where you are in life and answer if it's what you expected. I know that what I have now is far better than what I expected for myself.

Wow

Ok, so I was just talking to someone who quit smoking a year ago December 4th. She told me she STILL craves cigarettes. Even after a YEAR! In fact, she said "oh yeah, I want a cigarette right now!".........it's a DRUG people....a drug. Why does it have such a hold on us? I'm on day 18 and I will not turn back ...but I feel like I'm mourning. I'm in a bad mood a LOT, I'm emotional...I'm sure I'm not that much fun to be around. I just want so bad to have the cigarette. I can use my mind to tell me not to..that it's going to kill me if I allow myself to turn back...but I hate it. I want that comfort...that companion. Geez, we're talking about a cigarette here! Agggggggggg

What kind of coffee am I?

You Are a Plain Ole Cup of Joe

But don't think plain - instead think, uncomplicatedYou're a low maintenance kind of girl... who can hang with the guysDown to earth, easy going, and fun! Yup, that's you: the friend everyone invites.And your dependable too. Both for a laugh and a sympathetic ear.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofcoffeegirlareyouquiz/">What Kind of Coffee Girl Are You?

Remembering Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

I Have a Dream Speech

I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.


Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.


But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languished in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. And so we've come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.


In a sense we've come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the "unalienable Rights" of "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note, insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked "insufficient funds."


But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. And so, we've come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice.
We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of Now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children.


It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. And those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. And there will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.


But there is something that I must say to my people, who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice: In the process of gaining our rightful place, we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again, we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force.
The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. And they have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom.


We cannot walk alone.


And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead.
We cannot turn back.


There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. *We cannot be satisfied as long as the negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their self-hood and robbed of their dignity by a sign stating: "For Whites Only."* We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until "justice rolls down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty stream."


I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. And some of you have come from areas where your quest -- quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive. Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed.
Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends.


And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.


I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."


I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.


I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.


I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.


I have a dream today!


I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of "interposition" and "nullification" -- one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.


I have a dream today!


I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; "and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together."


This is our hope, and this is the faith that I go back to the South with.


With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.


And this will be the day -- this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning:


My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing.
Land where my fathers died, land of the Pilgrim's pride,
From every mountainside, let freedom ring!
And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true.
And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire.
Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York.
Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.
Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.
Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.
But not only that:
Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.
Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.
Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi.


From every mountainside, let freedom ring.


And when this happens, when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:


Free at last! Free at last!


Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!

JD & Me

I love this child so....

About My Day

Lizzy, Lori, Rachel and I went to the DAV Thrift store for some bargin shopping. We all found some great deals! I love this particular thrift store...on more than one occasion I've found "mall" brands for extremely cheap...something like $2-$4 a shirt. I got a pair of White House Black Market slacks today for $3. I'm not all about labels...but that is my favorite store!

After we went shopping, we headed over to the Tattoo shop for my nose piercing. I was pretty nervous...much more nervous than I was when I did it at 19 years old. Secretly I almost backed out this morning. I'm so glad I bucked up and went. When we got there, I went right into the room within 5 minutes (no time to back out now). I made small talk with the guy who was doing it about quitting smoking...and right when he started cleaning my nose I closed my eyes. I did not want to see a needle or anything he was about to do. I kept my eyes closed through the whole process...and when he said "ok take a deep breath...now exhale"...I knew it was time for the pain. It was not nearly as bad as I expected! I LOVE it! I had a strange reaction though....notice the hive under my eye. I got 3 of them on my face a few hours after I had it done. Breaking out in hives is something new to me....I've had it happen a few times over the last two or three years. Anyway, I have no idea why it happened to me after getting pierced.
PS...Today is my 14th day of non-smoking~

Snow Day!

Kids are at home today...it's a snow day. We've gotten quite a bit of snow this winter so far. I'm sure they are loving it! I am working today- but since I did not come into the office at all yesterday, I needed to be here today.

Smoking update- wait! I should say NON-Smoking update! I have not smoked in 11 days (today not included). I'm pretty darn happy with my progress. I have not cheated ONE time.... I don't even want to cheat anymore. MIND OVER MATTER My mind is much stronger than my body.

Oh, I'm going to get my nose repierced this Saturday! I'm excited....nervous...wimpy....much wimpier than when I was 19 and got it done the first time! I'll post a pic after I get it done.

Oh- just for fun...here's a recent pic of Sumo..the great....maxin and relaxin. Oh- I wish I had his problems:

I Don't Feel Well

I've got an ache on the left side of my throat. As the day goes by....I am feeling a bit "fluish"....(is that a word?). My body is repairing itself. I know that's why I'm ill...all of the tar and crap is getting flushed out and my cilia in my lungs is growing back. (Sick huh?) This is what's making me feel crappy.

Funny...I feel bad but it's a good feeling...get it?

25 Reasons I'm Quitting Smoking

This blog is not for you....it's for me.

1. I want to live a healthy, long life.
2. I want to provide a good example to my kids.
3. I want to lower my risk of getting cancer.
4. I want to lower my risk of getting emphasemia.
5. I don't want to have sinus surgery again.
6. I want to save the money.
7. I want my teeth to be whiter.
8. I want my skin to look and feel healthier.
9. I don't want premature wrinkles.
10. I don't want to have a raspy voice.
11. I don't want "old lady" smokers lips.
12. I 'll be able to taste and smell food again.
13. I don't want to go outside in the cold to smoke anymore!
14. I don't want to have to second guess going somewhere because it's non-smoking.
15. I want to lower my risk of getting an Autoimmune Disease.
16. I don't want bad "smokers breath" anymore.
17. I'm sick of my vehicle smelling like smoke.
18. I'll be around to see my grandchildren....(and maybe great-grandchildren if I'm lucky)
19. I won't have to hide my habit from my kids anymore.
20. I'll have more energy.
21. No more cigarette hangovers after late nights out.
22. I want to lower my risk of heart attack, stroke and vascular diseases.
23. I will reduce the number of coughs, colds, and sinus infections I get.
24. I will hopefully influence BY MY ACTIONS people I love and care about to follow suit.
25. I love myself & my loved ones enough to give up something I actually STILL enjoy in order to live a longer..healthier....more joyous life.

One week. I'm sure it's not about to get any easier.

Day 6...going strong!

Well I'm still a non smoker! I've survived 5 whole days...and I'm at mid morning on day 6. I feel good! Day 3 & 4 were pretty bad, but I feel ok today. I even went to poker and DID NOT SMOKE. I was the only person out of 7 that was not smoking. I have renewed faith in myself and my spirit. I can't figure out which is harder....giving up dairy or smoking. I've been off dairy for almost a year...that was tough...but I think quitting smoking is harder. Most times of the day I'm OK but when the night comes...and I get in situations where I want to smoke, or usually do smoke; like poker or out with friends... it's really tough. On Wednesday night we went to a friends house and I literally almost had a panic attack sitting there while 3 people chain smoked. But this is my life now...I'm NOT going to be a fuddy duddy ex smoker. I'm not going to try to influence my friends or family...we're all adults and can make our own decisions. I'm not going to *cough cough* when it's around or get all snobby about it. I'm sure that's music to the ears of people close to me. Haha Anyway, as a reward for quitting...I think I'm going to get my nose repierced. :)

Update

I have not blogged much lately....I don't know...I just don't feel like I have a lot to say. Maybe I've been in a funk...I don't know.

Everyone and everything is fine. We are healthy and happy.

Work is OK...some stress but that is to be expected.

I'm on day #3 in a row w/o a cigarette. I'm not feeling well to be honest...I will push through tomorrow as well. My goal is to only smoke on Th, Fri & Sat. BUT I'm hoping that the first cig I put to my mouth on Thursday during poker tastes terrible and I'll never go back. I doubt it though. It's been 3 years or so since I've gone a full 3 days w/o a cigarette. I could blame my husband for this...but I'm an adult...and I control when I smoke. My body is de-toxifying (is that a word?)..and I can tell because I have had a terrible headache...and I've been coughing up crap all day. Oh, and I woke up with a sore throat. This is what happens when you stop smoking. I'm going to try very hard to change around my mood after work. It's not my families fault that I have this addiction...it's mine. DAMN YOU AEP....damn you smoke breaks! Not really- once again..I have control of my own actions...I picked up a cigarette 16 years ago to fit in and do what everyone else was doing. I never thought that I'd be 30 and STILL lighting up. Ug.